A kinky bondage-, chastity-, and service-loving switch.
None of these photos are mine; just great photos from the web.
You are not alone.
Also on Recon, Twitter, and Telegram as SirSubCanade.
My name is Philippe. I've...I've been self-locked for three days.
{audible but subdued shock and surprise}
Six days ago, after being self-locked for 4 months and 19 days, I failed myself and disrespected all free men.
{tears begin rolling down his face}
Oh gawd it was horrible. I was in such a dark place. Nothing I tried worked. It was like I was possessed by a demon that demanded I unlock and jerk off until orgasm.
{gasps and then only the sounds of men fidgeting in their chairs adjusting their chastity devices}
I knew what I was doing was wrong and yet I couldn't let go. After all that time, I was finally holding my own dick in my hand. It was so hard it almost hurt. And, living at a fire station with all those beautiful sexy men, I had plenty of mental images to keep it hard. I knew exactly where to find some lube. Oh gawd, lube. You all know how good lube feels when it first touches your dick - slightly cold but so wonderful because you know what sensations is next.
{loud sounds of affirmation from the others}
Those first strokes were slow. Real slow. I remember thinking how I wanted that moment to last, I wanted my dick to feel that good forever. Gawd, I'm so ashamed. I'm sorry. I can't do this. I'm sorry.
{"keep telling your story"}
Umm...okay. Okay I'll continue. Right, so I have my dick in my hand and it feels so damn good that I want to slow stroke it forever. I failed there, too, of course. Soon I was pumping my hand up and down, up and down, up and down. I felt my balls contract. I felt it building, building, building until my dick finally erupted. Six powerful shots of white creamy ejaculate. Oh gawd, it went all over my chest. I even got some on my face. I looked quite the sight.
{sighs and moans}
And then the moment that always comes to all of us fell on me like a ton of bricks. What the hell had I just done? What the fuck was I thinking? How could I throw away all the work I'd done to live an honest and respectful life? And for what? Three, five, or maybe 10 seconds of intense sexual pleasure? The way I felt then was a thousand times worse that I have ever felt on those days when my dick is fighting it's cage, demanding release, demanding my attention, when I can't imagine being any hornier or more desperate for an orgasm. That is how I'm - we're - supposed to feel. Contained, denied, protected, honest.
{resigned affirmation}
At that moment I felt none of that. All I felt was shame, intense shame. Shame that I still feel. This is just the worse feeling, and I did this to myself. And why? Why?
{"You forgot what you are."}
Right. We talk about it all the time in this group. And yet, in that dark, painful moment I had the audacity to think that I had the same rights and privileges as a real man, men like those I am proud to serve with, that my dick was like their cocks, that my dick deserved the honor and glory that we have dedicated ourselves to giving to their cocks.
{"I wish I had one in my mouth right now." "Gawd I need to be fucked so badly."}
It took me three days to lock back up. I knew it was the right thing. I knew I was never going to touch my dick like that again but still. Did I have the right to wear a cage? Hadn't I just proven myself unworthy to be member of this proud and honorable brotherhood?
{"We'll always be one of us."}
Exactly. That's why three days ago I locked my dick back in its cage.
{applause}
Back where it belongs.
{applause}
Back where it must stay forever.
{everyone is standing, clapping}
I know most of you have also been unfortunate to visit that dark place of selfishness, dishonesty, disrespect, and self-loathing. I've sat where you are now listening to you confess your sin from this very spot. I welcomed you back into the brotherhood as I always will. I am proudly self-locked again because I know you will do the same for me. Let my story, my shame be a warning. Stay locked. Never allow your dick to get fully erect. Never give your dick the attention and satisfaction to which it has no right. Chastity is a gift, not a punishment.
{more applause. Philippe is smiling knowing he is once again on the correct path.}
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At a chastity support group meeting...
My name is Philippe. I've...I've been self-locked for three days.
{audible but subdued shock and surprise}
Six days ago, after being self-locked for 4 months and 19 days, I failed myself and disrespected all free men.
{tears begin rolling down his face}
Oh gawd it was horrible. I was in such a dark place. Nothing I tried worked. It was like I was possessed by a demon that demanded I unlock and jerk off until orgasm.
{gasps and then only the sounds of men fidgeting in their chairs adjusting their chastity devices}
I knew what I was doing was wrong and yet I couldn't let go. After all that time, I was finally holding my own dick in my hand. It was so hard it almost hurt. And, living at a fire station with all those beautiful sexy men, I had plenty of mental images to keep it hard. I knew exactly where to find some lube. Oh gawd, lube. You all know how good lube feels when it first touches your dick - slightly cold but so wonderful because you know what sensations is next.
{loud sounds of affirmation from the others}
Those first strokes were slow. Real slow. I remember thinking how I wanted that moment to last, I wanted my dick to feel that good forever. Gawd, I'm so ashamed. I'm sorry. I can't do this. I'm sorry.
{"keep telling your story"}
Umm...okay. Okay I'll continue. Right, so I have my dick in my hand and it feels so damn good that I want to slow stroke it forever. I failed there, too, of course. Soon I was pumping my hand up and down, up and down, up and down. I felt my balls contract. I felt it building, building, building until my dick finally erupted. Six powerful shots of white creamy ejaculate. Oh gawd, it went all over my chest. I even got some on my face. I looked quite the sight.
{sighs and moans}
And then the moment that always comes to all of us fell on me like a ton of bricks. What the hell had I just done? What the fuck was I thinking? How could I throw away all the work I'd done to live an honest and respectful life? And for what? Three, five, or maybe 10 seconds of intense sexual pleasure? The way I felt then was a thousand times worse that I have ever felt on those days when my dick is fighting it's cage, demanding release, demanding my attention, when I can't imagine being any hornier or more desperate for an orgasm. That is how I'm - we're - supposed to feel. Contained, denied, protected, honest.
{resigned affirmation}
At that moment I felt none of that. All I felt was shame, intense shame. Shame that I still feel. This is just the worse feeling, and I did this to myself. And why? Why?
{"You forgot what you are."}
Right. We talk about it all the time in this group. And yet, in that dark, painful moment I had the audacity to think that I had the same rights and privileges as a real man, men like those I am proud to serve with, that my dick was like their cocks, that my dick deserved the honor and glory that we have dedicated ourselves to giving to their cocks.
{"I wish I had one in my mouth right now." "Gawd I need to be fucked so badly."}
It took me three days to lock back up. I knew it was the right thing. I knew I was never going to touch my dick like that again but still. Did I have the right to wear a cage? Hadn't I just proven myself unworthy to be member of this proud and honorable brotherhood?
{"We'll always be one of us."}
Exactly. That's why three days ago I locked my dick back in its cage.
{applause}
Back where it belongs.
{applause}
Back where it must stay forever.
{everyone is standing, clapping}
I know most of you have also been unfortunate to visit that dark place of selfishness, dishonesty, disrespect, and self-loathing. I've sat where you are now listening to you confess your sin from this very spot. I welcomed you back into the brotherhood as I always will. I am proudly self-locked again because I know you will do the same for me. Let my story, my shame be a warning. Stay locked. Never allow your dick to get fully erect. Never give your dick the attention and satisfaction to which it has no right. Chastity is a gift, not a punishment.
{more applause. Philippe is smiling knowing he is once again on the correct path.}